Tuesday, October 06, 2009

David Letterman-oh-man

Yes, it's been awhile since I've jotted anything down for the insomniacs and compulsive web surfers who may stumble upon this blog. I can stay silent no longer! I had been working on a masterful bit of essay writing for this very space, but abandoned it when news broke about David Letterman.

Full disclosure -- I have never slept with David Letterman.

Not for lack of imagination. I have had my sex romps with the gapped tooth goof in my dreams, lurid fantasies involving Mujibur and Sirajul, and Dave promising me work on the show if I just let him cop a feel. What has transpired the last week has brought all my dreams perilously close to reality. Maybe I really could have worked on the show if I had put out.

In Canada, there is a certain amount of putting out. We must put up and put out. There was a time that I recoiled at the thought of putting out to advance my career. I thought it humiliating and beneath me. Now I wish someone, anyone, was beneath me. I wish someone would ask me to put out. But at the time, I thought having sex to maybe, maybe, be considered to be a script supervisor on "Dog and Katts" was ill-advised. What powerful showbiz men are there in Canada to sleep with anyway? Peter Mansbridge? Lloyd Robertson?

I imagine Letterman's paramours were more than willing. Let's face it, who wouldn't want to shtoop a wealthy, witty and powerful older man? Why would a young woman settle for some impecunious shlub? Look, I'm using Yiddish words -- I must really have a point. Hey, I'd sleep with him now, just to hear that goofy laugh afterward. HEE HEE HEE HEE.

Yes, there is the whole argument about sex in the workplace, harrassment and favourtism. I take this very seriously. I feel sorry for Letterman's wife. But how many men are cheering for Dave and thinking he's the luckiest bastard in the world? How many women are thinking, I wouldn't mind a roll in the hay with Arthur down in issues management? Until the internet totally sucks our humanity dry, we still have urges. Raw, shameful, perverse, pathetic, humiliating, potentially lucrative urges.

Time will tell whether more women will come forward. If they do, then this whole thing becomes old hat. Industry. I hope it doesn't happen, but his private life is fair game now.

No one's joke about the scandal will be funnier than his. That's the way of the comic.