ring ring ... ring ring ...
Trudeau: Good evening Mr.
President-elect. This is the Prime Minister of Canada calling.
I would like to extend to you my best
wishes on your election as President of the United States.
Trump: Stephen? I want 75
percent of Keystone! I am still not in love with Canadian oil, but I'll do you
this favour if you do me a favour -- stop singing and playing piano! You stink,
and you're not fooling anyone!
Trudeau: Mr. Trump, this is
Justin Trudeau calling.
Trump: Trudeau? Oh ... can
you get your daddy on the phone then?
Trudeau: My father has been
dead for sixteen years.
Trump: Oh ... I am sorry to
hear that. That is not so classy.
Trudeau: I am the Prime
Minister of Canada.
Trump: You're FIRED!
Trudeau: Mr. Trump, ah, you,
ah, can't do that. I am the leader of a sovereign nation.
Trump laughs
Trump: You are funny! Thanks
for the laugh ...
Trudeau: Wait! Don't hang
up! I am calling to say I'm looking forward to strengthening the bonds between
Canada and the United States.
Trump: ... who is this?
Trudeau: The Prime Minister
of Canada, Justin Trudeau.
Trump: Listen Tru-doh. I'm
getting to work on that great, great wall between us and Canada and you are paying for it!
Trudeau: Ah, I think you
mean the wall, ah, between the US and, ah, Mexico.
Trump: Right! Mexico -- to keep out the drug dealers and rapists! I
forgot, Canadians aren't rapists because it's too cold up there.
Trudeau (deep sigh): Anyway,
I wish you, ah, and your family ... ... ... all the, ah, ... best .. and again,
I look forward to Canada renewing our peaceful and mutually beneficial relationship with the United States.
Trump: Look Tru-doh, I'm a
nice guy. I play nice when I don't. We want the same things -- billions of
dollars for our families, weather that is pleasant and illegal immigrants and
refugees to get the hell out of our countries. So yeah, we'll talk about
closing our borders, bombing the f&*k out of ISIS- ISIL whatever, and to bring
our jobs back from China so we can make America Great Again.
Trudeau: (pause) What's
that, Sophie? ... I have to go Donald, Hadrien just threw up. Bon soir et ferme ta gueule!
CLICK! dial tone