Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Reflections On Turning 50

1. Don't buy meat in a can. Even if it is a buck. Don't buy it. Trust me.

2. Listen more than you speak. Let other people mire themselves in the inextricable. Nod and say "I see".

3. Don't give up looking cool. Unless you are trying to look cool. Give that up.

4. When a server in a high-end restaurant asks if you want an appetizer, say yes. When they ask if want an entree, say no. When they ask you if you would like dessert, say "I see". When they present the bill, react to the cheque with a classic spit take. Oh yes -- and never go back there again.

5. Keep working to sculpt your body. Fret about your chicken wing arms. Shame youngsters in a push-up competition. Shame youngsters period.

6. Let crap go. By crap I mean empties, old floss, lint, grudges, Haywire ticket stubs, old yogurt containers. You'll never use them, especially the Haywire ticket stubs.

7. Love one another as I have loved you. No, I didn't come up with that one. The trick is to love yourself first. You can't give away what you don't have, i.e. money and toys. Then pay yourself first. That's what the banks say and it would appear that banks are always right.

8. Ignore your aches and pains. No one wants to hear about your sore feet, sciatica or psoriasis. Unless the person is middle-aged or older. Then they would love to hear about it to compare notes.

9. We're not as smart as we think we are. We may be wise, meaning we know that partying to access for 30 years will produce baleful results, but we do not know everything there is to know about science, art and the humanities. I'm pretty sure I mumble more than I ever have. I say "I see" about twice as much as I did 25 years ago.

10. Always be grateful for the people in your life. They are the buoys that help navigate the unfathomable.

Now go out there and live while you still can.