The 12 Days of Chemo

My beloved sister Diane is undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. She never smoked, drinks on occasion and lived in the Rocky Mountains for 20 years. Her diet has always been nutritious. Her first mammogram ever was eight months ago and after futher tests and a lumpectomy were done, stage 2-3 cancer was detected. Bewildering and frightening.

And funny.

I talked to Diane before Christmas over the phone. I asked her "where are you as far as your chemo treatment?" "Day twelve post treatment," she said. Twelve. Twelve days. "The Twelve Days of Chemo," I offered. She laughed. We riffed a bit and then I came up with this Christmas carol for my sis:


THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHEMO


On the First day of chemo my doctor gave to me: A, C and T.

On the Second day of chemo my husband gave to me: 2 buckets to barf in and some A, C and T.

On the Third Day of Chemo my body gave to me: 3 bouts of nausea, 2 buckets to barf in and some A, C and T

On the Fourth day of chemo my husband gave to me: 4 salty crackers, 3 bouts of nausea, 2 buckets to barf in and some A, C and T.

On the Fifth day of chemo my body gave to me: 5 bowel movements, 4 salty crackers, 3 bouts of nausea, 2 buckets to barf in and some A, C and T

On the Sixth day of Chemo my body gave to me: 6 bleeding mouth sores, 5 bowel movements, 4 salty crackers, 3 bouts of nausea, 2 buckets to barf in and some A, C and T

On the Seventh day of Chemo my stylist gave to me: 7 different wigs, 6 bleeding mouth sores, 5 bowel movements, 4 salty crackers, 3 bouts of nausea, 2 buckets to barf in and some A, C and T.

On the Eighth day of chemo my body gave to me: 8 hours of sound sleep, 7 different wigs, 6 bleeding mouth sores, 5 bowel movements, 4 salty crackers, 3 bouts of nausea, 2 buckets to barf in and some A, C and T

On the Ninth day of chemo my children gave to me: 9 friends a’ mooching, 8 hours sleep, 7 different wigs, 6 bleeding mouth sores, 5 bowel movements, 4 salty crackers, 3 bouts of nausea, 2 buckets to barf in and some A, C and T.

On the Tenth day of chemo my husband gave to me: 10 minutes of cuddling, 9 friends a mooching, 8 hours sleep, 7 different wigs, 6 bleeding mouth sores, 5 bowel movements, 4 salty crackers, 3 bouts of nausea, 2 buckets to barf in and some A,C and T.

On the Eleventh day of chemo my oncologist gave to me: 11 pamphlets about radiation, 10 minutes of cuddling, 9 friends a mooching, 8 hours sleep, 7 different wigs, 6 bleeding mouth sores, 5 bowel movements, 4 salty crackers, 3 bouts of nausea, 2 buckets to barf in and some A,C, and T.

On the Twelfth day of chemo my family gave to me: 12 rounds of hugging, 11 pamphlets about radiation, 10 minutes of cuddling, 9 friends a mooching, 8 hours sleep, 7 different wigs, 6 bleeding mouth sores, 5 bowel movements, 4 salty crackers, 3 bouts of nausea, 2 buckets to barf in and the hope that I’ll be cancer free!!


Cancer can be beaten -- or at least mocked.