As someone who is in long-term recovery from drugs and
alcohol substance abuse, I am sometimes asked "what do you do for fun?" Many people
cannot conceive of a life in which one abstains from intoxicating substances
(including me on occasion). For me, the trade-off is worth it, as I do not
vomit blood or wish I was dead quite as often. Still, many people in society
view teetotalers and abstainers as sanctimonious bores, or worse, members of
the Conservative party of Canada.
I try my best to thwart stereotypes by maintaining the same dishevelled appearance
and hopeless attitude from my using days. I do admit though to being guilty of
bursting with gratitude while radiating health and contentment every now and
then.
As a service to those living in sobriety, and to those who
love them (or tolerate them) here are a few handy tips on what not to do when
you are in recovery.
1) Volunteer to be a
designated driver for a frat house
2) Wrestle the drink
out of the hand of anyone over 90
3) Say to friends who invite you to their place for a meal
of Coq Au Vin, "GET BEHIND ME SATAN!"
3) Lecture teens on the evils of what you used to take
enormous pleasure in
5) Refuse to eat blue cheese offered to you at a reception because
the last time you did you were "tripping for hours"
6) Boycott your local diner because it serves eggs with hash
7) While a priest drinks consecrated wine during communion yell
out, "easy there fella!"
8) Say to the Pope as
he sips champagne at a state dinner, "I used to revere you."
9) Get kicked out of a state dinner
10) Offer to give anyone a piece of your mind. You need
those precious few fragments for yourself.
May 2-4 weekend, comin' up in Canada. See you on the hiking trails!
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