ring ring ... ring ring ...
Trudeau: Good evening Mr. President-elect. This is the Prime Minister of Canada calling.
I would like to extend to you my best wishes on your election as President of the United States.
Trump: Stephen? I want 75 percent of Keystone! I am still not in love with Canadian oil, but I'll do you this favour if you do me a favour -- stop singing and playing piano! You stink, and you're not fooling anyone!
Trudeau: Mr. Trump, this is Justin Trudeau calling.
Trump: Trudeau? Oh ... can you get your daddy on the phone then?
Trudeau: My father has been dead for sixteen years.
Trump: Oh ... I am sorry to hear that. That is not so classy.
Trudeau: I am the Prime Minister of Canada.
Trump: You're FIRED!
Trudeau: Mr. Trump, ah, you, ah, can't do that. I am the leader of a sovereign nation.
Trump: You are funny! Thanks for the laugh ...
Trudeau: Wait! Don't hang up! I am calling to say I'm looking forward to strengthening the bonds between Canada and the United States.
Trump: ... who is this?
Trudeau: The Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau.
Trump: Listen Tru-doh. I'm getting to work on that great, great wall between us and Canada and you are paying for it!
Trudeau: Ah, I think you mean the wall, ah, between the US and, ah, Mexico.
Trump: Right! Mexico -- to keep out the drug dealers and rapists! I forgot, Canadians aren't rapists because it's too cold up there.
Trudeau (deep sigh): Anyway, I wish you, ah, and your family ... ... ... all the, ah, ... best .. and again, I look forward to Canada renewing our peaceful and mutually beneficial relationship with the United States.
Trump: Look Tru-doh, I'm a nice guy. I play nice when I don't. We want the same things -- billions of dollars for our families, weather that is pleasant and illegal immigrants and refugees to get the hell out of our countries. So yeah, we'll talk about closing our borders, bombing the f&*k out of ISIS- ISIL whatever, and to bring our jobs back from China so we can make America Great Again.
Trudeau: (pause) What's that, Sophie? ... I have to go Donald, Hadrien just threw up. Bon soir et ferme ta gueule!
CLICK! dial tone